Is there a collective noun for artists? Any number of other groups seem to have acquired their own very specialised names. Elk get together in a gang. Rooks form a parliament. Cobblers sound as if they have a good time in a drunkship. There’s an exaltation of larks, a pontification of priests and a bash of bishops. (Well, there should be.) So why isn’t there one for artists?
Last Saturday, the first day of the first weekend of the 2005 Brighton Festival, I set out on my first Open House trail. In my opening column last week I commented on the scale of the Open House enterprise – but that was in the abstract. This was the real thing, billed in the Open Houses brochure as Britain’s biggest and friendliest free art fair. A daunting 750 artists exhibiting in 170 venues. Look, you probably already know all this. But as The Outsider I think someone should create a record for the visitor who completes all twelve trails (plus independents!) in four weekends, like those people who visit every London Underground station in a day, or climb all the Scottish Monroes in a lifetime. The prize could be a new pair of trainers, designed by the winner’s artist of choice.
The statistics suggest that there’s a… collection?... academy?... palette of 4.4 artists per venue. And that doesn’t take account of solo exhibitors. Brighton displays a variety of architectural styles, but do they include Tardis? I was about to find out.

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